


A Lovesick Feeling

by deanz



Category: Naruto
Genre: 10k words of pining folks, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, idk what this is, kinda sorta inspired by tatbilb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21649888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanz/pseuds/deanz
Summary: Naruto struggles expressing his clumsy heart.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 48
Kudos: 346





	1. A Lovesick Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> So  
> I honestly don't know how to describe this fic. It's kind of a mess??? First i wanted it to be a character study, then I wanted it to be a self-indulgent rationalization of the canon ending, and then I just wanted it to be thoughtless sns romcom shenanigans. In the end i think the result was just a wack hybrid of all three. Go figure.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it :X
> 
> EDIT: this IS a standalone. but I also added a bonus chapter!

_I got this lovesick feeling_

_There’s nothing like it_

_Nothing at all_

_I know your heart’s still beating_

_And I want it all, I want it all_

_Or nothing at all_

[I Want It All](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRd5Oa9pTEE) // COIN

*

“Sai and _Ino_? Ino and _Sai_?”

“Yup.”

“Are you…you’re joking. You’ve _gotta_ be joking!”

“Nope. Ino told me herself. They went on a date last week. Shopping for crop tops.”

Naruto very well spit out his drink at that. Not very becoming of the Seventh Hokage, but hey, after what he just heard, it was a natural reaction for anybody.

Sakura didn’t seem to agree. “You _idiot_! You got beer on my clothes!”

She proceeded to angrily wack him, because Hokage or not, Sakura was Sakura and Naruto was Naruto, and she had no reservations in demonstrating her monster strength on his thick head.

And thank god it was thick too because she would’ve broken it a long time ago if not.

Sitting back down, sipping from her own glass like she didn’t just bash his skull in, she shrugged. “Stranger things have happened.”

Naruto leaned toward her and said vehemently, “Nuh uh! I’ve seen some _shit_ Sakura. I’ve fought ninja zombies, ninja aliens, and ninja gods. But _this_ takes the cake for the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.”

They were sitting at one of the local bars, nursing their alcohol, taking a breather after a very long week of work, work, _work_.

He had meetings to prepare for, with the clan leaders, about toning down the Chuunin exams coming up, and he wanted to be prepared to really drop the mic on them. Sasuke had advised him in their correspondence not to bring up abolishing the exams right off the bat; they had to encourage the younger generation to their side, and ease the elderly into it, needing to carefully tread the clans’ reluctance in changing tradition and starting out with age limits and better safety measures and blah blah blah all that fancy Sasuke talk from when they brainstormed together.

Naruto hadn’t told him outright, but he was proud of how Sasuke was so diplomatic these days. A far cry from when they were sixteen and Sasuke’s solution was just, well, murder.

Anyway, Naruto hadn’t been too keen on abandoning his tasks to grab a drink: _What are you, nuts? I’m the Hokage! I have work to do! I don’t have the time to slack off and go to bars, Sakura!_

But Sakura wouldn’t take no for an answer. She had grabbed him by his (father’s) red-and-white coat and dragged him out the door saying that she was overworked at the clinic today and wanted a night out and, besides, if he didn’t take at least _one_ break from trying to change the whole damn world, he was going to go bald at age 21.

So here they were. Gossiping. And Naruto was dismayed to find that, apparently, while he was working his ass off, everybody else was pairing up. _Everybody_.

“First you tell me dog-breath’s got a girlfriend-”

“ _Girlfriends_. Plural.”

“- _then_ that Choji and Karui are talking, I didn’t even know they _knew_ each other, and then Shikamaru and Temari, and _now_ Sai and Ino?!” he exclaimed, waving his hands around sporadically, “What, was there a memo I didn’t get?!”

“Oh don’t be stupid! We’re in our twenties, stressed out, and just survived the craziest ninja war in history. It’s natural that people are trying to move on and enjoy romance and dating.” Then, she got that judgy look on her face and said pointedly, “ _You_ wouldn’t be missing out if you just took Hinata out already. How many times has she tried inviting you for dinner now?”

Naruto shrunk back at that…he hadn’t talked to Hinata since they exchanged awkward greetings at the Hyuuga compound, where Naruto had finalized making slave-ownership by their higher branches illegal. Point blank. _That_ was a good day. He would never forget the look on Neji’s face. Or the ones on the grouchy old men that scowled at him all the while. He had written Sasuke all about it.

But he didn’t _mean_ to blow Hinata off or anything like that. He was just…apprehensive. Nonetheless, Naruto looked down at his drink guiltily, “I’ve been busy…”

“Hmph, you men and your _excuses_.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” he grumbled, not looking her in the eye, mostly because he still wasn’t comfortable voicing his reservations about dating the Hyuuga heiress. “And what about you and _your_ love life, Miss Know-It-All, _huh_? The way this night is going, next you’re gonna tell me you and Lee are dating.”

“Me?” She looked down at her drink for a second, with a little smile on her face. Then, after a second or two she started getting all…fidgety and blushy. “Well…I like to think that…”

“You and Bushy Brow _are_ dating?!”

“What? _No_ , you dope!”

“Hm?” Naruto gave her a big frown, confused. “What is it then?”

She sat back and looked down. Giggled a bit. All these girly gestures she was making was reminding him of her 12-year-old self. It was both endearing and a little unsettling. “Well…remember that mission Sasuke and I went on?”

He did. Naruto was the one who had sent Sakura to help Sasuke infiltrate one of the many underground black markets that sold ninja corpses to bad seeds from other nations. Even after… _especially_ after the war actually, those parties were still in full swing. He remembered from the letters he and Sasuke would exchange that the Uchiha had been planning to go at it alone, but Naruto had insisted he take backup. Just in case. He _knew_ Sasuke could handle it, obviously. But still.

Sakura was the perfect choice for analyzing the bodies, the biopsy results, and the other medical codes the goons were cooking up to sell. Sasuke knew that too, which was why he reluctantly agreed to have her along. Much grit and ugly details later, he easily burned the place down to the ground and they were pretty successful in garnering more info on other gangs, corrupt factions, and black market branches across the five nations.

He and Sasuke still had a lot of work to do.

Despite that, they had all been pretty ecstatic about their progress in bringing down their shady shinobi system; Naruto from inside the leaf, and Sasuke from out.

But right now, Naruto was feeling anything but ecstatic. He got a sinking feeling in his gut, not liking where this was going.

“What about it?”

She smiled softly to herself, and brought her fingers to her forehead for some reason. Maybe it was the alcohol. They _have_ been drinking for quite a while. “I think…things are finally…Sasuke’s finally…”

A long pause.

“Never mind it, Naruto…” she said, giggling, blushing. Maybe she _was_ drunk. “I’d rather keep it to myself.”

So even Sasuke…with Sakura…?

He had always been wary about them getting together, expectant even, sometimes. But to hear it was actually happening…

…

Naruto stood up abruptly. His hair had gotten a bit longer over the past few years. He let it cover his eyes, and hid under the collar of his coat, not trusting how his face looked right then.

“Um.”

“Naruto?”

“Sorry, Sakura. I…think I’m feeling a little sick…”

“What?” She said worriedly. “Let me check-”

“No no…I just…I need to sleep, ya know?”

“Oh. Okay. Want me to walk you home?”

“Heh,” he wiggled his eyebrows at her mischievously. “You’re not trying to get me alone, are you? Sasuke wouldn’t like that, huh?”

She blushed furiously, then gave a little smile, “Idiot.”

Naruto mustered enough steel to give her his trademark grin, as he wasn’t unfamiliar to faking it, to fooling people into thinking he was fine. Sometimes even fooling himself, over the years.

But he was surprised at how much effort it took this time.

\--

On his way home, hands in his pockets, trudging the dark village streets, he was lost in thought.

Naruto allowed his musing to be interrupted sometimes to awkwardly but graciously accept the greetings from the adult villagers, and especially from their children. The kids were the ones he liked interacting with the most.

He would never forget…how people had treated him growing up. He’d never forget the harsh words and disgusted looks. The neglect. Sometimes even the flat out violence.

But.

Naruto wanted to believe Konoha could be better than what it was. That the kids would grow up knowing and understanding better than their parents and grandparents and great great grandparents. That the orphans who would grow up here would find people to take care of them, and would find kids who would understand them. He wouldn’t let any child grow up to become as hopeless as Nagato. As unhinged as Gaara. As (rightfully) bitter as Neji. He would never let another child be victim to old mens’ greed and power hungry ways. He would never let another child endure what he and Sasuke did ever again. Not if he could help it.

That’s why he didn’t regret all the hard work he was doing right now. He didn’t regret the sleepless nights. The looooong meetings. The stand-offs with the village elders (which was actually kind of fun sometimes; he liked pissing off those old farts). The future was worth all of that after all. Naruto _was_ going to make a better world. Believe it.

But then he thought back to his conversation with Sakura, and found himself thinking…

Everyone seemed to be finding somebody. Or were on their way to finding somebody.

He was happy for them. He was happy there was joy and _fun_ to be found even after all the horrific shit they’d all been through, after their world proved itself to be full of corruption and madness and grief, he was glad people still had hope. People still sought out love. It was what they had fought for, wasn’t it? Still _were_ fighting for.

But…he couldn’t help but feel like he was, as Sakura put it, missing out.

He watched people walk with their families, friends, lovers…

And decided to take the long way back. The road less taken.

To his surprise, he caught two figures along the river bank talking. Squinting, he noticed that it was Temari and Shikimaru. Yup. He’d know those stupid hairstyles anywhere, drunk or not.

It looked like they were arguing from where he was standing. _Or maybe Temari was chewing him out._ The thought made Naruto snicker.

Of all the weird new couples, these two were probably the least shocking. Naruto _did_ used to tease Shikimaru about his thing with Temari. He supposed it was only a matter of time. Right now though, the sand ninja looked fed up with talking to him, and turned sassily to walk away. Then to her obvious shock, Shikimaru spun her around for a kiss.

Naruto was pretty scandalized himself, actually. To think that slacker would actually make a move! A _big_ one too. He would’ve never thought his advisor to be the type.

He watched them for a moment. Found himself grasping tightly at his chest.

Blushing and feeling like an intruder, he turned away from the sight.

On impulse, he leapt into the air, heading in the direction of his offices. Naruto let the wind whip through his hair, roof to roof until he landed on the hokage building, the highest in the village.

Feeling drunk and childish, he let himself whine at the moon. “I want that! I want it too! I want to have that with someone! I want someone to kiss me, to hold me, to hold hands with! I want…I want…!”

Raven black hair and intense dark eyes entered his mind.

Then he froze and looked down, brows furrowed, pouting and blushing madly.

He couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

Because then it would make it _real_.

__

“Naruto!”

Iruka opened his door and arms wide open, delighted that Naruto had come to visit him.

“Hey, Iruka-sensei…”

Iruka touched his face lightly, always humbled that the Hokage still addressed him as ‘sensei’ even after earning the highest title in Konoha. He had told him that there was no need for him to call him sensei anymore, not at his age. But Naruto, of course, would have none of that.

_The reason I made it this far was because of you. You always believed in me! No matter how old I get, or what I become, you’ll always be my sensei, so that’s what I’ll always call you!_

At the time, there was no stopping the tears that fell down Iruka’s cheeks at that.

Now though, he was all smiles. “Been a while since I’ve seen you. So difficult to get a hold of you these days! You’re always so busy!”

Was he really so focused on his work that he didn't see Iruka enough anymore? 

“Never too busy for you, sensei.”

He chuckled, “Come in, come in.”

Naruto stepped into the apartment, took one look around and said with a whistle, “Wow. And I thought _my_ place was a mess!”

“You little…it’s rude to make comments like that!” Iruka snapped, just as he used to when Naruto misbehaved as a child. It warmed his heart to know that some things never changed. 

“ _And_ it’s not like you’re the only one who’s busy you know,” he continued. “I’m swamped readying the new orphanage _you_ put me in charge of. I haven’t had time to clean.”

“Heh…fair,” the blonde said sheepishly. “I’ll be helping you out with that too, so don’t worry!”

Iruka paddled back at that, “No no, don’t get me wrong, of course I’m excited to work on this project. More than anyone. Just a little overwhelmed, is all. I want to do right by these kids, you entrusted me with this and you have a whole village to take care of too so-”

“Iruka-sensei, you know the orphanage is a huge priority for me and Sasuke. I’m not gonna miss out on it. Promise.” Naruto sat down, positioning his head on his arms at the kitchen table. He remembered how Sasuke had given him formal permission to use the Uchiha grounds to shelter the orphans. The kids were pretty mystified to find out they’d be living there. It was _adorable_.

He smiled at Naruto fondly. “Of course. I know. Kakashi always reminds me of that too. He constantly tells me he believes in you. One of the ways he thinks it eases my stress.”

“You and Kakashi-sensei have kept in touch?”

“Sure. We write letters. We vent to each other a bit. It’s nice. He’s enjoying his retirement, in case you’re wondering,” Iruka said as he sat down across from his former student.

Naruto imagined Kakashi-sensei in vacation clothes, shades, and a beer, chilling on the beach. The thought made him laugh brightly and he joked, “Who the hell retires before turning 40?”

Iruka laughed too but said, “Well, after all he’s been through, I think he deserves a break. And he’ll be back anyway.”

He knew his sensei was right. Kakashi’s reign as the Sixth Hokage was basically all reconstruction and damage control. And it had been _stressful_. Naruto had played apprentice and ambassador at the time, and quite frankly, his masked sensei had always looked _beat_ at the end of the day. But Naruto had done his best to comfort him.

_Don’t worry Kakashi-sensei, anything you need I’m right here. And you’re doing great, no matter how much you look like shit!_

_...Thank you, Naruto._

“Though I’m surprised Kakashi-sensei is keeping up with talking to _anybody_ ,” Naruto said, crossing his arms. Actually, after a moment’s thought, he remembered that Iruka had also helped out plenty at the time. So he guessed it shouldn’t be _that_ much of a surprise Kakashi had found a confidante in him.

“Awww,” he cooed. “Look at you two. _Best friends_.”

Iruka cringed a bit then waved dismissively. He was never a fan of the mush. “No, no. We’re not that close. That’s more Gai’s position anyway.”

“Bullshit! Gai is his rival. You’re his best friend. The one he likes talking to the most. Kinda like me and Sasuke!” he said excitedly, pointing his thumb at himself.

Iruka raised his eyebrows at that, “I don’t think there’s any duo out there, rivals or best friends or otherwise, who are quite like you and Sasuke, Naruto.”

For some reason that got him flustered. He looked away from his sensei’s face, and couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his own.

“So. Is there something you’d like to talk about?”

Naruto started, “Wha-? Can’t I just come see you ‘cuz I enjoy your company?”

“Yes. But you seem a bit out of sorts.”

What the hell, was he that obvious? Of course Iruka could tell right away. He knew him too well.

“Well…since you mention it, I just…”

Iruka locked his eyes on Naruto’s face, attention fully on him, ready to listen. As always.

“I _did_ want some advice, actually.”

“About?”

The Hokage was silent for a spell, not sure how to express his problem, his questions. Naruto himself barely knew what it was. Only that it concerned a certain someone. He could feel the blush on his face, the quiet that fell over him the way it did when he got nervous. He knew Iruka would understand and do anything in his power to comfort him, but, even knowing that, Naruto couldn’t bring himself to be completely honest.

“How do you stop…I mean, what…what do you do when you…when you have these really…complicated… _feelings_ …for someone…and you don’t know how to…you know you could never…”

He tried to communicate the rest of the sentence with his eyes, shifting his gaze from his fidgety hands to his old teacher, practically begging him to just _get it_ so he could stop talking.

And he did, apparently. Iruka looked a bit taken aback, clearly not expecting this topic. Probably thought Naruto was going to ask about some ninja-related dilemma.

“Oh! Hm…you meant _that_ kind of advice.” The man let his eyes dart about the room nervously, looking for the right words. “I… suppose I should ask first…did you tell this person how you feel?”

Ha! As if that’ll ever happen. He scratched the back of his head. “Well, no. We don’t really do that. B-but I mean…I know they don’t feel the same.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Trust me, I know.”

“Well, is that the only thing stopping you from being honest with them?”

Naruto thought about it for a moment. Definitely not. Besides the unrequited feelings, there was Sakura, who he would never hurt or betray _ever_. Never ever. And Sasuke and Sakura were together. Or going to get together. And then there was all the _other_ …things.

“Not…no, it’s not the only thing.”

“I see. I think,” Iruka said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t suppose you’re talking about Sakura?”

Oh yeah. His old crush on Sakura hadn’t exactly been a secret. But he thought it was pretty obvious by now that they were never really going anywhere.

“No, not Sakura.”

“Hinata?”

“I wish.” He really did. If Naruto were passionately in love with Hinata, things would be so much easier. She was cute and kind and smart. Why couldn’t he just love _her_?

“Ah…well Naruto, I’m not going to pretend like I’m an expert. But you seem to be having a hard time…accepting these feelings, based on your answers.”

“I accept them! I just…want to get _rid_ of them.”

“Well, I think that’s a bit of a paradox. From what I understand, you want to skip to the moving on part.”

“Exactly!”

“Um…I suppose I have an idea for something you could try.”

Naruto leaned forward excitedly, practically jumping in his seat at the possibility of a solution, “What? What?”

“Write down what you feel. Every little thing. Be completely honest. Then burn the paper. I’ve heard the method can be emotionally cathartic.”

“Cat…hah?”

“It means that it can help you feel your emotions and then let them out. Release.”

Naruto snapped his fingers, like a light bulb went off on his head. “Oh! Like when you really need to piss, and you’ve been holding it in for so long, then you finally can and feel so much better!”

Iruka glared at him. “That was _not_ a charming analogy.”

The blonde gave his mentor a flat look, unimpressed. “Okay but really, sensei? _Write_ them down? Do I look like a lovesick little girl to you?”

Iruka shrugged, “It wouldn’t hurt to try!”

Naruto sighed. “Alright, alright. I _guess_ …”

“You should know I’m not guaranteeing it’ll work, after all, when it comes to romance I don’t really-”

“Have any experience?”

Iruka scowled at him. “I was _going to say_ , I don’t really know the circumstances, certainly not yours, and…love is something that’s out of our hands. Sometimes it’s meant to be, and sometimes it’s not. But at the end of it all...know that I’ll be here if you need someone to talk to, alright?”

Naruto blinked at him, processing his words. Always trying to absorb what he tried to teach him. There was no one who knew better than Iruka, after all.

“Sorry…I don’t think I was much help-“

“Nah, you _always_ help. Thanks…Iruka-sensei. I’ll try taking your advice.”

\--

And Naruto doesn’t go back on his word. So that night, after getting _smashed_ drunk, because he knew that was the only way he was going to get himself to do this, he took out a paper and pen.

But Naruto’s alcohol-induced writing process was surprisingly not going so well.

_This is dumb. Dumb! Stupid! Stuuuuuupid!_

…

_But I’m dumb too so. Here we go._

He spent a good ten minutes staring at the paper.

Here we _go_!

…

No good. The pen was pitifully frozen on top of the blank sheet.

Naruto groaned dramatically into the air, squirming in his seat. This was so _embarrassing_.

 _You’re the Hokage. The_ Hokage _! Man up!_

Naruto knew he was being ridiculous. He knew how he felt. He did. He was just scared of getting it out there. Even if only in writing. His feelings had always consumed him. His heart would get too big for his slow little brain sometimes. And honestly, it had always been like that. He had always just _acted_. He had always just _felt_.

It just wasn’t something he had ever _understood_. Until now, that is. Which was annoying. It was easier when he didn’t understand. It was easier to shove away.

But Iruka was right. How would he ever learn to move on from these feelings if he didn’t even acknowledge them in the first place?

He closed his eyes and relaxed.

And…it was surprising, actually. How easy it came to him.

All he had to do was think of two orphans’ hidden smiles at the pier, shared lunch at the stumps, running up trees in the moonlight, needles piercing flesh, a Chidori and a Rasengan colliding, heavy reunions, promises, tears, wishes, defying fate, bleeding out side by side at the end of the world…

Naruto’s eyes stung. He _did_ know his heart.

So he wrote it down.

\--

“Hey. Hey! Naruto, wake up!”

The blonde felt someone shaking him vigorously. Rude. He was trying to sleep, dammit—

“Fiyvbe mo minu…” he responded groggily.

“What was that? I don’t speak drool. Get _up_! It’s a new day and we have work to do!”

Naruto was able to collect himself enough to realize that the unpleasant voice disturbing his rest was none other than Shikimaru’s.

“You fell asleep on the desk again. And don’t give me that ‘five more minutes’ crap. I gave you those five minutes and then some when I collected the mess of papers on your desk earlier and organized everything. Again.”

“Shank yu…”

“I don’t get paid enough for this job.”

Finally, Naruto sat up on his chair, massaging his neck. “Ugh…”

The other ninja sighed at him as he got to work. “Hangover?”

“I don’t really get hung over,” Naruto said tiredly, yawning. “I just didn’t sleep too well…”

“Yeah no shit,” Shikimaru said, looking for some files in the side cabinets. His tone wasn’t as monotone as usual. Naruto guessed he was in a good mood. Must be that love bug. “What were you working on last night that left you crashed on the desk like that?”

“Working…?” He still wasn’t quite awake. Then Naruto remembered, that, _oh_ , he was trying Iruka’s suggestion last night and writing his feelings down on paper. He looked down to see again what his brain (heart) vomited out but…

There was nothing there.

…

“Shikimaru?”

“Hm?”

“Where are the papers I was working on?”

“I just told you,” the shadow-user drawled, annoyed now. “I collected them and organized them.”

Naruto shot out of his seat, wide awake. “What?! Where’d you put them?!”

“They’re in the filing cabinets. Sheesh. You’re welcome, dumbass.”

Naruto tried to hold in his breath of relief and rushed to the cabinets Shikimaru gestured at, searching through them frantically. “Oh, _good_! You didn’t read anything did you?”

“Just skimmed over the contents of some stuff to decide what was priority and what goes where…hey! You’re messing everything up!”

Formal letters, memos, contracts, treaties, reports, but _no_ drunken message.

“Where is it?! It’s not here!” Naruto yelled, alarm growing now as he quickly scanned paper after paper, desperately searching for his word vomit from last night.

“Would you _relax_. What are you looking for exactly?”

“It was a…a letter, I guess! For Sasuke! _Where is it, Shikimaru_?”

Shikimaru raised an eyebrow, and Naruto could strangle him for how nonchalant he was despite his Hokage’s obvious distress. Nara thought for a moment, then he made a face like it came to him. “Ah yeah. Something for Sasuke. It was already sealed in an envelope. I had it sent to the Aviary along with those memos to the other kage-”

Naruto absolutely _lost_ _it_. “You! Did! WHAT!”

Shikimaru started repeating himself slowly like he was talking to an idiot kid and not the most powerful man in the village, “I. Sent. It. To. The. Aviary.”

The hysteric ninja grabbed Shikimaru by the collar and practically screeched in his face, his voice reaching octaves it never could before, “That letter wasn’t meant to be _sent_!”

“What are you talking about? It was stamped and sealed and everything you idiot,” Shikimaru replied as he shoved him off, _very_ annoyed now. Naruto blanched. He must’ve done all that while he was drunk. Stupidly drunk and lovesick and subconsciously aware of his routines enough to fucking _seal_ it and _stamp_ it, what the _fuck_! Why couldn’t he just sleep with random people by accident, like _normal_ drunk idiots did!

“And you and Sasuke send each other messages all the time so-”

He yelled at the air in frustration and utter _disbelief_. This was _not_ happening! It wasn’t happening! He must be still sleeping. This was a _nightmare_. This…!

“Forget it! When did you send it! When!”

“Maybe fifteen minutes ago-”

“THERE’S STILL TIME TO INTERCEPT IT THEN!”

He was one of the two strongest ninja in the world, he could definitely catch up before the Konoha Aviary sent some stupid letter. Not to mention, Sasuke moved around all the time obviously so they would still have to confirm his location before sending him a bird that wasn’t his own summoning, and _then_ there was all those precautionary jutsu they had to perform to make sure it wasn’t intercepted by enemy ninja, _and_ they were always at their busiest in the morning because there was always a lot to send! He had time! Plenty of time! It was fine. Fine! He just had to find it and _grab_ it. Easy!

Naruto bolted to the door as fast as he could.

“Hey! Where the hell do you think you’re going?!”

“Shikimaru, there are meetings today at the Academy about the new curriculum! Be sure to let me know how that works out okay!” He said in one breath, then he was off, ignoring his adviser's yelling.

\--

He sped run to the newly rebuilt Konoha Aviary, choosing to leap from the rooftops of course, since that was faster. The tower was about fifteen minutes away from his own office, but he got there in less than five.

“Lord Seventh! What a pleasant surprise-!”

Naturally, Naruto grabbed the first guy to talk to him. “Shikimaru sent something over to you guys to be sent to Sasuke! It was a mistake! Give it to me right now! _Please_!”

“Er. You mean Sasuke Uchiha, sir?”

“Man, who _else_!”

“Uh…” The poor ninja turned to one of his co-workers. “What’s the status on the message to Uchiha?! Lord Seventh wants to know!”

“His Messenger Hawk’s just been released, sir!”

“What! What! It’s _gone_?!” Naruto yelled, on the verge of a breakdown. The two Aviary workers looked at him with wary looks on their faces. “You guys sent it that fast?! Already?!”

“Yes! Well. Oh. Did we forget to memo Shikimaru that Uchiha kept one of his summoning hawks here at the ready for Lord Hokage’s messages to reach him faster?”

“Hey, that wasn’t on _me_ -”

Naruto clawed at his face. This was _not_ his day. But it wasn’t over yet, dammit! “Where?! Where is it going?!”

“Well, if we’re not mistaken, it’s heading towards an outpost village near Otogakure’s borders…that’s where it pointed its beak when we showed it the map.”

Naruto groaned again. Otogakure was pretty damn close to the leaf, at least compared to the other hidden villages. And it was an _outpost village_ too, and that was probably even closer. It would take a day or so to reach on foot. And Sasuke’s summoning hawks _were_ faster than Konoha’s normal messenger birds. It would make it no time flat.

But Naruto was faster. He could catch up. Definitely.

…right?

“What does the bird look like? Was it his red-tailed one?! ”

“Correct, sir!”

“Great! I know him! Thanks, guys!”

“Wait! We’re not fired, right?!”

\--

As if his day couldn’t get any worse, on his dash towards the village’s exit he came across Sakura.

“Sakura!”

The smile on her face turned into a big frown, probably noticing how disheveled and in a hurry he was. “Woah! Where are you going?!”

“Sorry, no time to talk!”

“Hey!” He moved to dash past her but she grabbed him by the collar; of course she wasn’t going to let this go. “Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost? What’s the matter—?”

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”

“What?”

“I mean! There’s an emergency! Outside the village! Gotta go handle it!”

Naruto proceeded trying to tug himself free, because who knows how far that bird had gotten already dammit, but she wouldn’t budge. Sakura’s grip was as firm as _stone_.

“Emergency? Wha…I’ll go with you then—!”

“No!”

“Why not?”

_Because I can’t risk you reading the stupid love letter I wrote to the guy you’ve been in love with forever and if either of you read that thing it could wreck the friendship between the three of us and if you read it you’d hate me and then you’ll be sad and if Sasuke read it he wouldn’t want to speak to me and he’ll be alone again and I can’t let any of that happen and and and—!_

“I just…this is something I have to do by myself! Please…please let go.”

The skepticism on Sakura’s face turned into something like empathy. The earnest look in his eyes tended to do that to her sometimes.

She released her grip. But turned him around so he could look her in the eye.

“If you’re not back by the end of the day I’ll track you down and wallop you myself. Got it?”

“Got it! Bye!”

And then he was off. 

\--

He had finally spotted the bird.

Naruto could cry of relief. He’d been running in the direction of Oto for a good two hours. As fast as he could. The fastest he’s ever run. Because _damn,_ that bird could _fly_. He even considered releasing Kurama’s—

_Don’t even think about it._

But apparently the old fox thought this mission was beneath his prowess. Stingy old demon. _I’ll remember this Kurama, you traitor._

The ancient being paid him no heed, no more than a chuckle and flippant comment about how foolish humans were when it came to love.

Well, Naruto didn’t need him. He’d catch that hawk himself.

Leaping onto the closest tree he cooed, “Here birdie, birdie!”

He could’ve sworn the hawk looked back at him with an unimpressed look. Then it flew even faster.

“Hey! Come on! Don’t you recognize me?! I’m Naruto Uzumaki! The Seventh Hokage! I need that message you’re carrying!”

The hawk paid him no mind. Clearly it just found him to be a nuisance. Naruto realized then that since this wasn’t a Konoha carrier, it probably wouldn’t obey his orders. It would only answer to Sasuke.

“You don’t have to worry! Sasuke wouldn’t mind me taking that back, you can trust me--!”

The hawk made a sharp turn, then flew straight upwards last minute, and Naruto, following it blindly and going way too fast, crashed into a huge oak tree.

He could _definitely_ hear the thing laughing.

“Oh you little…”

No wonder Sasuke preferred these animals, he thought crossly, they have his _mean_ personality.

He stuck his tongue out at it, leaping again to continue his chase.

Then Naruto felt him.

He immediately summoned five shadow clones in his rising panic. “Get that bird right now!”

Naruto could see someone in all black laying on a grassy river bank in the distance. He sat up lazily, but he could feel his gaze directed his way.

Sasuke had felt him too.

_Naruto?_

Meanwhile, his clones had failed in getting the message. Naruto didn’t even understand how it happened. Maybe he was out of shape. Too much office work, not enough training. But the hawk had evaded them. It was right on top of Sasuke now.

He held out his arm, letting the bird perch on it, and unwrapped the tie that held the letter… _Naruto’s_ letter…

“GET HIM!”

He and his clones practically stampeded towards the Uchiha.

But Sasuke was ready of course.

He took down his clones with easy blows, fast as lightning, not letting any of them so much as _touch_ him. It was like they were stupid little genin again, the raven-haired ninja being one step ahead of him.

What pissed off Naruto even more was that Sasuke had that old smug look on his face too, like he was having _fun_. It made his face flush even redder.

“Sloppy, _Naruto_. Are you out of shape?”

“This isn’t a game, _Sasuke_! Give me that envelope right now!”

Sasuke dodged him again, majestic as always. “Why should I?”

“Because!”

They leaped from tree to tree, like they were actually playing tag. Sasuke landed in front of the river bank after several minutes of just dashing between branches.

“Huh,” he said lighly, regarding the message in his hand with real interest now. “What’s got you this worked up?”

“GIVE IT!”

And then, because Sasuke was a fucking _cheater_ , he used his Rinnegan to transport himself last second, and Naruto landed right in the water with a resounding SPLASH!

After a moment, he fumbled out of the river, spitting and coughing out water.

To his horror, Sasuke already had the envelope open. He was _reading_ it.

Naruto froze. His face was red as a tomato. He wanted to cry in his humiliation. He clenched his fists, opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. Looking for a lie, an excuse, _anything_ to stop this. But he couldn’t even find his voice. A fuzzy weight disoriented his head.

Everything…everything was ruined now. All that time he spent trying to repair his friendship with Sasuke...well, no. That wasn’t quite right.

 _Nothing_ could break their bond. Not even this. He knew that. But...Sasuke would be out of his reach yet again. He’d try to distance himself from Naruto again. He’d…

Morbid curiosity drove Naruto to try and gauge Sasuke’s reaction.

The look on his face was…plain confusion.

“Naruto, what the hell is this?” he said in an unimpressed voice, like he was underwhelmed by what he just read.

This was worse than he imagined. Sasuke didn’t even _care_. He hadn’t expected him to be this…he wasn’t even taking his feelings seriously. It…it made him _angry_.

“You’re an _asshole!_ What the hell does it _look_ like?!” he yelled hoarsely, eyes stinging, face on fire. The things he had wrote in that letter…it wasn’t eloquent, and probably full of mistakes, but it was from the heart. It was honest. And Sasuke had the fucking _gall_ to turn his nose up at it. “You…arrogant bastard! How can you just—!”

“It’s a memo.”

The gears in Naruto’s brain screeched to a halt.

He stared at Sasuke dumbly, needing a moment or two or three to process what he just said.

“Uh…what?”

“This is a memo for the Kazekage, Gaara, on the upcoming Kage Summit.”

“Wha…let me _see_ that thing!” Naruto snapped as he snatched the paper from Sasuke’s hand and scanned its contents.

Sure enough, it _was_ a memo for Gaara. How did…oh.

He must’ve switched up the seals when marking the envelopes in his drunken haze. And he remembered Shikimaru mentioning sending memos. _B-but…if Sasuke got this, then does that mean Gaara got the…!_

Naruto could just picture the look on the red-head’s face when he read it.

Well.

It could’ve been worse. _Sasuke_ could’ve actually read it. At least he knew Gaara was cool enough to know to keep what he read to himself.

So. In the end, nothing he feared would happen came to pass. 

“I went on this whole goose chase for nothing…wasted a whole day…” Naruto mumbled glumly to the air.

“You going to explain to me what this was all about?” Sasuke asked passively, if not sounding slightly annoyed that he didn’t understand what was going on.

Naruto turned to him tiredly. He soaked in his appearance, hair slightly combed over the Rennigan, clad in a black cloak, not much changed since they last saw each other. It was a shame. He hadn’t seen Sasuke in quite a while. He was _always_ excited to see him. Even the _idea_ of seeing him again usually excited him.

But he was too drained to even _think_. And part of him was still upset for some reason he didn’t understand.

“No. I don’t feel like it,” he finally answered with a sigh, then started dragging himself back the way he’d come, soaked and dejected. “I’m going home.”

Naruto had taken a few lonely steps before Sasuke called out to him.

“Hey. Naruto.”

He turned to him.

Sasuke looked him up and down and demanded, “When was the last time you ate?”

Naruto thought about it. “Uh…maybe yesterday…”

His old rival sighed. Sasuke turned in the opposite direction, already walking as he ordered, “Follow me.”

\--

“So. You were really bested by a messenger hawk.”

“Fuck you.”

“The Legendary Seventh Hokage, outsmarted by a fucking _bird_ —”

“Keep talking shit, Sasuke. I _will_ kick your ass! Do you wanna take this outside?!”

“Eat your food, Naruto.”

“Don’t tell me what to do. Bastard.”

“Moron.”

“Asshole.”

“Usuratonkachi.”

“You know, you really suck at cheering people up.”

“And what makes you think I was trying to cheer you up? I was going to eat anyway.”

“Dunno. Just a hunch I guess,” Naruto shrugged, giving Sasuke a grin. “Maybe it was the way you ordered us all my favorites. Including the desserts, which I know you hate.”

The Uchiha just took a sip out of his tea, choosing not to answer.

Naruto’s grin grew even wider.

Sasuke had taken him to a simple but really cozy restaurant in the village and told him he would treat him “this once”. The blonde hadn’t complained at all. Also he _was_ feeling cheered up. And it wasn’t because of the food.

“So what are you doing so close to Oto anyway?” Naruto asked as he stuffed his face with more ramen noodles (not as good as Ichiraku’s, but adequate).

“Was planning on meeting up with Suigetsu here. Then he and I were gonna head to Kirigakure.”

“Oh, yeah. Keep me updated on that,” Naruto said. “Or, you know, I could just go with you…”

“This isn’t like the days when you were Kakashi’s errand boy. You’re the Hokage,” Sasuke said dismissively. “You can’t go on long-term missions, Naruto. Besides, we agreed you’d focus on Konoha.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Naruto replied, already knowing what Sasuke’s answer would be but trying his luck anyway. He remembered how, in the days when he was Kakashi’s ambassador, he would easily meet up with Sasuke and raise a bit of hell with him from time to time. It was the happiest he’d been, going on those little adventures with him, learning how to fight by each other’s side again; the closest they’d come to being like the old days.

“Well, it’s good that you’re not going alone…I see you’re still in touch with those taka buddies of yours.”

“Somewhat,” Sasuke said, shrugging. “I try not to ask them for too many favors unless necessary.”

To Naruto’s knowledge, the three misfits Sasuke had taken a shining to were out and about, free from Orochimaru’s grasp after Sasuke had killed him. The Big Guy was living in a nice little cabin having fun raising animals with the Red-Head Witch (who Sasuke always encouraged Naruto to talk to for some reason), and Shark Boy, who would work different jobs for some cash between being Sasuke’s back up sometimes.

“Hmph,” Naruto pouted, that pang of jealousy hitting him at Sasuke turning to others for assistance. “If you need any help you could just ask _me_. We’re the dream team!”

“I don’t need help. I know my plans. And they _will_ come to fruition,” Sasuke said, eyes calculating as he crossed his arms. “Everything’s under control on my end. And yours?”

Naruto gave him a self-satisfied grin, “I think I’m giving a lot of those old clan leader geezers a run for their money.”

“Good. They still find you unpredictable. They know you’re not to be trifled with as a leader. Especially after you jailed the council elders.”

Naruto remembered that day. He and Sasuke had had a long talk about what to do with them. In the end, it had come down to this:

_“Do you…want them dead, Sasuke?”_

_The lone Uchiha was silent for a long while before answering. There was no sound around them but the whistling of the wind._

_“I’m trying to walk down a new path. A better one. I don’t want to start it by… spilling blood where it isn’t necessary. Not if there’s now a different way to…”_

_“Get justice. Right?”_

_“Right. Danzo…he was the one who orchestrated it all. The one who exploited most from the massacre. And I eliminated him. I don’t regret it. Those other two…well, you can let them rot for all I care. They are relics of the past, and I’m looking towards the future.”_

_“Alright. So we’ve decided. I’ll have them on trial. Let the entire village know what they all did. And show everyone we won’t tolerate anything like it happening ever again.”_

_“Perfect.”_

They were silent for a bit, recalling the same memory in each other’s eyes.

Then Naruto stuffed his face with a dumpling and stretched backwards, “How about we talk about something a little more fun?”

“Such as?”

“Well, Iruka-sensei and I are gonna start preparing the orphans to move into their new place! You ought to come meet them one of these days, ya know? They’re curious about the guy who gave them a new home to call their own!”

Sasuke didn’t quite smile, but his eyes glowed warmly, embers bright. “We’ll see. And I didn’t really do anything generous. The Uchiha compounds have been empty and useless for a long time. Makes sense for them to be refurbished for necessary services.”

“Yeah, but still! Don’t act like it isn’t a big move on your part. Your whole family used to live there. You grew up there. It’s a part of you, isn’t it?”

And Sasuke _did_ smile for him this time.

Naruto could feel his heart beating at his ribcage. Warm and fuzzy all over.

“And Sakura will be helping too! Though she’s pretty swamped at the clinic all the time,” he added for good measure, hoping to win another smile from him at her mention.

“Hn,” Sasuke replied neutrally. “And Kakashi?”

Naruto blinked. “Uh. Oh yeah. The old bastard’s on vacation but he’ll be back to help. Or so he says. You know how he is. Always late to the party.”

Sasuke snorted at that. “Yeah. Some things never change.”

He seemed comfortable to just end the subject at that, which left Naruto a bit confused.

“You’re um…”

He took a few hesitant moments, enough that Sasuke inquired, “What is it?”

“You’re not gonna ask more about Sakura?”

Sasuke just stared at him blankly. “Why would I?”

Naruto fidgeted a bit. This was awkward. He shouldn’t have asked that. Him and his big _mouth_.

“Tell me what you’re thinking. Something stupid, I’m sure.”

“Hey! I was just wondering why you weren’t asking more about your girlfriend—”

“My what.”

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. “Well…aren’t you two…you know…”

“No,” Sasuke said firmly, understanding what he meant. “We’re not any different from how we’ve always been.”

“It’s just…Sakura seemed so happy talking about that mission you two went on so I…”

Sasuke scowled the way he did when he found something distasteful. “Did she say we were together?”

“No! I just assumed—”

At that the other man relaxed a bit more and sat back, resting his arm against the back seat. “Oh, I see. You jumped to conclusions. Idiot.”

“Well, everyone’s pairing up with everybody!” Naruto said defensively. “I thought you and Sakura were too!”

His friend just scoffed in response, shaking his head.

Naruto cocked his own to the side, “So…you don’t love her?”

“Certainly not in the way she wants. I’ve made that clear. More than once.”

Despite his own feelings, Naruto couldn’t help but be saddened for Sakura’s sake. “Do you think you ever could?”

Sasuke sighed. “I don’t know.”

"Oh."

A beat.

“Although…”

Naruto looked up at him, both scared and fascinated at what else Sasuke would say on the matter.

“Sometimes…sometimes I wonder if I owe her that. After everything…” he said, and it was the most uncertain Naruto had ever heard him. And he recognized something else in his voice too.

Guilt.

Naruto frowned. Owing someone love…he was no expert, what did he know? But that still didn’t sound quite right to him. Before he could voice that thought however, his friend said something unexpected.

“I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

“I know you’ve always…had feelings for her. So this is probably really uncomfortable for you.”

“Oh. No, I’m not um…I don’t think about Sakura like that anymore,” Naruto said with an assuring smile, just in case Sasuke was holding back on his account or something. “That was puppy love. A kid’s crush, you know? I’m over it.”

“She’d do well to follow your example, quite frankly.”

Naruto shrugged at him sheepishly. “Well, whatever happens between you guys…it’s none of my business. I just want you both to be happy. Whether it’s with each other or otherwise.”

Sasuke looked at him funny at that. Then he turned his head to look out one of the restaurant’s windows solemnly, eyes narrowing. “Happiness…heh, honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever really have that.”

And _that_ broke Naruto’s heart.

“Don’t say that.” he told him gently, quietly. Half-pleading. “You deserve it, Sasuke. To be happy.”

The other ninja didn’t look convinced. But he said nonetheless, “So do you.”

After a bit of a pause, the young Hokage tried to lighten the mood again.

“And, I get it! Having girl problems. It’s not easy,” Naruto said, crossing his arms and nodding sagely.

Sasuke looked like he was holding back a laugh. “You talk as if from experience.”

Naruto flushed and snapped at him, “You’re not the only lady’s man! I’ve had people confess to me before you know!”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah. Like Hinata! She confessed to me a long time ago, during the invasion-”

“Who.”

Naruto gave him the biggest stink eye he could muster. “Hinata. Hinata Hyuuga. She was in our academy class forever!”

Sasuke took another second or two (or maybe that was giving him too much credit), but eventually remembered, “Oh. The Hyuuga heiress, you mean.”

“Uh, duh!” Naruto exclaimed in disbelief. “Do you even _remember_ the people from our class? Or even from the Chuunin exams?!”

Sasuke shifted in his seat, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I remember the people I found noteworthy. You’re getting off track.”

“Uh huh. You snob. This discussion isn’t over,” Naruto snapped, trying to narrow his eyes right back, but on his big round eyes it probably looked more like a squint. “Anyway. Hinata confessed to me. She tried to protect me. It was one of the bravest things I’d ever seen.”

“Okay. And how did you respond?”

“What?”

“What did you say to her after?”

Naruto shut his mouth and looked to the side. “Um…I kind of…didn’t…”

And Sasuke, damn him, looked genuinely amused. “You ignored her?”

“Wh-No, I didn’t _ignore_ her! I’m not you! I just…there was a lot going on at the time! And…and I didn’t _know_ what to say.”

“And you still don’t.”

Naruto looked away with a frown.

“You’re too indecisive when it comes to relationships Naruto,” Sasuke said calmly; not accusatory but not beating around the bush. He understood why. _Because you had no one before, no one at all, you’re afraid to decide. You want to avoid rejection…to avoid loss of connection. The idea of denying affection, after chasing it for so long, must be difficult for you to grasp._

“If you’re interested, say so. If you’re not, say so. That’s all there is to it. Don’t waste her time.”

“Well, I know that! The problem is I’m not sure if I’m interested or not…I’ve…before her, no one’s ever said anything like that to me…I don’t want to say no to something that could end up being special. Because what if it is? In a way, it already is for me. Because I’m the one being chased for once. I’ve never had that before.”

 _But I can’t bring myself to say yes because I keep thinking about_ you _. And that’s not fair to her either._

_But what if one of the only ways I can move on is deciding to try with her. Would I stop feeling this way about you then? Could I start loving her then?_

Sasuke just tilted his head at him, his usually sharp eyes softened by a genuine curiosity.

“Love is something that’s out of our hands, huh?”

They were both silent after that. There was an implication there, dangerous, simmering beneath the surface. One that neither wanted to address aloud.

\--

Naruto stretched up, raising his hands towards the skies, sighing in content. “That was an _awesome_ meal! Been a while since I’ve eaten that good.”

They had walked right outside the village post, serenely. Merely enjoying the pleasure of being in each other’s company.

Sasuke chuckled so quietly Naruto almost missed it. “Loser. Still so loud. You shouldn’t draw attention to yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

He pointed at Naruto’s back, “For one thing, you’re wearing a coat that literally says ‘Hokage’ on it. What kind of ninja is that conspicuous?”

“I don't even know what that means,” Naruto flaunted. “But yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m heading back now anyway.”

They looked at each other for a moment, unwilling to separate just yet. Then Naruto got a fun idea. He grinned at Sasuke mischievously.

He raised an eyebrow at him, “What?”

“Race you back to Konoha!” Naruto said suddenly and dashed off in the direction of the leaf.

And it was invigorating, running through the trees without being burdened by the urgency that plagued him earlier. This time he got to appreciate the early autumn colors, the clear fresh air, the nature, the wind. It had been quite a while since he felt this _free_.

Naruto found himself laughing wholeheartedly when he heard a whistle and saw Sasuke come up right beside him. Neck and neck. There was no one that could catch them with the naked eye, keep up with them, the speed they were going, inhuman. Invincible.

They could do _anything_.

As they ran and leaped and jumped and soared through the trees, as Naruto saw the light in Sasuke’s eyes, teasing him when he got a few feet ahead, competing with him like they were kids again, he thought he’d be happy doing just this forever.

\--

Panting but content, the boys looked at each other with big grins on their faces as they stood in front of the Leaf’s gates, bathed in the sunset’s serene colors.

“I…think…” Naruto heaved, “We can…call it…a draw…this time…”

Sasuke’s eyes were still alight. “Fair enough.”

Naruto gave another laugh and then looked towards the gates. _Back to work, huh._

“Today was fun! Mostly the second part,” Naruto said, making a side note to never get drunk on his desk _again_.

“Today was…good.”

“We actually sat and ate and drank and talked about girls like normal best friends do for once!” Naruto remarked delightedly, arms wide.

Sasuke gave him one of his subtle little smiles that he cherished, “There’s nothing normal about you and I, Naruto. Even by our world’s ridiculous standards.”

A lot like what Iruka said. And just as he did then, Naruto flushed. Him and his stupid blushing.

Sasuke just smirked at him.

Not looking into his eyes, Naruto couldn’t help but ask, because he always had to, “You don’t…wanna come inside for a bit? You could stay for a little while. Before you’re off again.”

_Stay a little longer._

He regarded him thoughtfully, but of course, Sasuke's answer was the same as always, “Not this time. Besides, I forgot about Suigetsu. I’m supposed to be meeting him and you distracted me.”

Naruto chuckled at him. “What can I say? You can’t resist the chance to play with me!”

Sasuke just closed his eyes and shrugged.

“I know I could never erase the pain of the past, but…I’m gonna keep working, you know.”

“Hm?”

“Changing this village for the better! Into a place you’d be proud to call home. A home you’d be comfortable coming back to!” Naruto told him genuinely, his grin wide and warm.

“I already have a home to come back to. And it’s not Konoha. It never was.”

The thrill that electrified his heart at Sasuke’s gaze was nothing short of overwhelming. He might as well have shot a damn Chidori at him.

They let the sunset wash over them for a few moments more, until Sasuke finally turned to leave, a fond smile on his face.

“Until next time, Naruto.”

“See you later, Sasuke…”

And that’s what they always said, because it was never _good-bye_ with them. Not really.

\--

A few days later, Gaara paid Naruto a visit to his office.

“I don’t think this was meant for me,” he said wryly, holding up Naruto’s letter.

The blonde _almost_ screamed at the sight of it. “Um did you…you know…”

“Read it? Not really. I saw the first sentence and realized this was a very personal message,” the Kazekage reassured, and finally the cursed thing was in Naruto’s hands again.

He stared at it for a long time, face aflame.

“You ought to give it to him. I think anyone would be happy to receive such an affectionate note from a friend, Naruto,” Gaara said, tone friendly and understanding.

Naruto just gave him a sad smile.

“Care to grab a drink later?”

“Heh. Sure. Sounds like fun. We’ll talk some more then!”

Gaara headed out at that, leaving him alone with his heart.

Naruto opened it and read.

_Sasuke,_

_You and I have been through a lot together. Some good and some bad some really ugly._

_And some really amazing._

_I’ve always admired you. You were always cool and smart and brilliant and you were always my goal. I don’t think there’s anything I’ve ever wanted more than to be acknowledged by you. There was nothing I wanted more than to be your friend._

_It’s amazing that as a kid I thought I hated you. I thought I was jealous of you. And maybe sometimes I did. Sometimes I was. A tiny bit. Because you’ve always made me feel…all of it. And at the time I didn’t get it. I was just stubborn._

_Then we actually became friends. You did things for me that I never thought you would. That I never thought anyone would. And we had fun together! I know you probably didn’t think much of me at all (and you probably still don’t). But you saved me, you know. And I was always thinking of you._

_I always think about you._

_I was at my happiest when you were around. When you smiled._

_I wonder what you’re doing right now. I hope this path you’ve walked so far is giving you some peace of mind. I hope you’re healing._

_Do you remember? At The Valley of The End, how you asked me what I thought the word ‘friend’ meant to me. What you meant to me. What this bond was. I told you I didn’t quite understand it._

_Your happiness was my happiness. Your pain my pain too._

_But I know now._

_To me Sasuke, my rival, my teammate, my family._

_My best friend._

_You’re my everything._

_Yours. Just yours._

_Naruto_

Tears streamed down his face.

Naruto looked at the fireplace, and thought, it really did make sense that fire was Sasuke’s element. Fire was deadly, destructive, ruthless, painful, passionate, consuming. But it was also warm, beautiful, cleansing. Pure.

He didn’t _want_ to burn this. He didn’t want to let go.

So he decided to fold it up gently, tuck it away. Whether he ever moved on or not, he’d never know. Whether he ended up with someone else or not, only time would tell.

Sasuke would never return his feelings. And that was okay. Being his friend was enough. Taking care of him like this was enough.

But Naruto knew his own would be permanent.

And right now, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

\--

“Naruto, care to explain to me what the commotion you caused the other day was all about?”

He looked up from the document he was reading, only to find Iruka giving him a scathing, disapproving glare.

“Uh…do I _have_ to explain?”

Oh if looks could kill, Naruto would be pretty dead right now. Parents were scary.

But he pouted a bit and broke out the puppy-dog eyes. “Hey, Iruka-sensei?”

“Hm?”

“You and I haven’t gone out for ramen in foreverrrrr!” he whined.

“Don’t change the subject!” Iruka snapped. “We’re not talking about your stomach. We’re talking about proper conduct for the Hokage—”

“Can we talk about it _over_ ramen?” Naruto asked, indulging in acting like a child whenever Iruka was around. “Compromise!”

Iruka groaned and shook his head, but Naruto could tell he was trying to keep the smile off his face. “You’ll never change, will you? Even now you misbehave.”

Naruto snickered at him.

He won of course, and they walked out side by side, toward Ichiraku’s.

“You can relax by the way, sensei!” Naruto said, puting his arm around Iruka’s shoulders. “Everything’s under control. I’m not gonna promise that I won’t make mistakes. Because I will. But I’m gonna do my best, like I always have. Like you always taught me. The only way to go is forward, right?”

Iruka blinked at him. After a moment, he gave that smile he did when he was proud.

But he didn’t fall for that.

“Forward. _But_ don’t think that kissing up means you’re off the hook young man. I’m _still_ going to give you an earful.”

“Aww. I was sure that would work.”

Iruka gave him _another_ scathing glare.

When they got to Ichiraku’s, Sakura was already waiting. She demanded that he explain what became of his mystery mission. And sure enough, all he had to do was mention Sasuke, and she melted. Totally forgot about Naruto’s antics. Love was funny like that.

He knew the feeling.


	2. Epilogue

_Look what Haru-chan drew in the photograph! A drawing of him playing with his friends. Do you have any idea how fucking HUGE this is! The kid always used to sit in a corner all by himself, too shy to talk to anybody, it would take like ten minutes of talking and a promise I’d buy him ramen from Ichiraku’s, to make him come out and play with us, and look at him now!_

_(But then I’d have to buy ramen for everybody else too because I didn’t want anyone to feel left out. Treating them to ramen all the time. I’m gonna run dry. Now I know how Iruka-sensei feels.)_

_\--_

_Sasuke, the kids don’t appreciate my taste for décor. I try to give them some of my houseplants for their new rooms, some cool looking cacti, some wicked dracaena, some gardenia, GARDENIA, Sasuke, do you know how HARD it is to grow??? I grew all that just for them, and what do they do? They have the nerve to look bored about it, they ACTUALLY said, ‘Why do old people like plants so much?’ OLD? I’M NOT EVEN 25 YET!_

_\--_

_Yuki-chan filled her room with SO many scrolls and books you’d think it was a library. When I asked her what her favorite was, she told me that she loved reading ‘The Pandemonium of the Great Five Nations’ the most. Scary. These kids are smarter than me._

_\--_

_Two of the kids are always fighting with one another. ALWAYS. They so much as see each other and they just start talking shit. It’s pretty damn funny, because when Iruka-sensei assigned them to writing about the person they admire the most right now, they wrote about each other. Can you believe it? Iruka-sensei just rubbed his head all funny and went all ‘This is really happening again.’ He wouldn’t tell me what he meant by it._

_\--_

“Woah, what’s got you all smiley?”

Sasuke put the papers he was reading away in his cloak as he leaned back against the tree he was sitting under.

“You’re late.”

Suigetsu shrugged and just splattered (literally) onto the ground in exhaustion.

“Well hey, the blueprint you gave me of the syndicate’s layout was annoying to read. And _you_ try navigating through the water pipes in that behemoth only to listen to creepy old goons talk for hours on end. It _ain’t_ fun, Sasuke.”

“Did you find out where they keep the prisoners?”

“Found out where they keep the prisoners, what time the guards switched their shifts, what the experiment schedule was, which kekkai genkai cost the most to the big dogs, aaaand even one of creeps’ birthdays. It’s tomorrow, if you’re curious,” Suigetsu listed off easily, self assured as always.

“You know the plan. Get those kids out of there…take them somewhere far away.” Sasuke instructed. “The rest is on me.”

A grim promise for violence echoed his words.

They were currently in the mountain range that surrounded Kirigakure. Sasuke was still tracking down the top gangs who ran the corpse market. The Land Hidden in the Mist was a big hotspot for these bastards. After the war, the trade had boomed over the years apparently. Big wars meant big business. Not to mention big opportunities for ninja to experiment whatever kekkai genkai they managed to exploit from their dead test subjects on their _live_ test subjects who were picked right off the streets.

Especially on orphans. On people who had no one to protect them. Especially in Kirigakure, where the lowest class still wasn’t priority to the higher ranks at all.

So they were victims. To criminals who would use their bodies for their own gain. The young Uchiha was reminded of his and his companions’ own history as Orochimaru’s pets. These low-lives were much the same as the snake was. 

Sasuke could feel his fire burning his veins, itching to come out and leave the scum in ashes.

Soon.

“Good work today. Rest for now.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice, boss,” the Hozuki saluted, then turned his back to the Uchiha. He was asleep in an instant. No surprise, seeing as he used up all his chakra spying on their target today.

Suigetsu had worked especially hard on this mission. He tried to seem nonchalant, tried to seem like he wanted to get this over with so they could return to Juugo and Karin quickly, but Sasuke could tell being in his birthplace affected him. Seeing it again surely brought back painful memories.

Naruto was trying his best to assist the Mizukage (Mei Terumi) to take better measures in managing all the crime that had festered under the reign of her predecessors. But she was always focused on trying to keep the blood-thirsty clans of Kirigakure from exploding into full-out civil war, especially now, after she had abolished the class hierarchy, inspired by Naruto’s own reformed policies with the Hyuuga. And of the hidden villages, Kirigakure was the farthest from Konoha. It needed more hands-on assistance.

So Naruto assured her she could count on Sasuke to help from the shadows.

He watched the sun fall beneath the mountains, welcoming the darkness that engulfed him. 

Tomorrow, then.

\--

Sasuke awoke in the night with a start.

He tried to get his breathing under control. He looked around himself to remember where he was. Absorb his surroundings.

Kirigakure. The mountains. The trees. And Suigetsu asleep a few feet away from him.

They didn’t need anyone to stand lookout, since he would sense anyone coming easily. But he scanned the trees, the blackness, the mist, to make sure they were secure, and sure enough, all was still.

Yet he found his nerves on edge.

“Tch…”

Nightmares again…they always seemed to come back when he thought they were gone.

But he supposed they never really would be. Though they weren’t as…awful as they used to be.

Still it was a weakness he hated.

_“It’s okay, you know. That you have nightmares. I still get them too sometimes.”_

_Silence. Then,_

_“What…do you do to…”_

_“Feel better? Hmm…I guess I think about the things that make me happiest! It doesn’t always work but…it helps. When you wake up and feel alone.”_

He looked into a stray puddle and saw his reflection staring back at him. It hurt to see it. Raven hair… eyes (or in his case, _an_ eye) as black as the dark side of the moon…features that were the Uchiha’s trademarks. That he shared with his brother, his mother, his cousins, aunts, uncles…

His family.

Whenever Sasuke had these nightmares, of the blood that soaked Itachi’s hands, of his mother’s warm smile ripped away from him, of his father’s fiery eyes rendered lifeless, and he risked falling into that despair again…

There was only one thing.

One thing that chased away the feeling of being alone. Of being in despair.

After taking a few more minutes to breathe, to feel the wind caress his face, he took out some of those old letters he had been reading earlier.

_I hope you remember that if you ever find yourself in a bind just think, ‘What would the great Naruto Uzumaki do?’!_

He could practically _hear_ him say it.

Sasuke shook his head, actually managing a huff of amusement. Naruto’s handwriting was as messy as one could imagine. Not only because he himself was messy, but also because it was as if, even in writing, he was eager and impatient to say everything that came to his scatter-brain of a mind. And there were always scratch marks over sentences that he would decide to take out, because he would be trying to stay on track, but to no avail (he read those too). And there were sometimes food stains on the corners or over the words, probably because Naruto would sometimes try eating ramen and writing at the same time.

Even his notes radiated his personality.

It was almost like he was here with him.

Sasuke found himself smiling again.

That smile didn’t go away when he took out the group photo Naruto had sent him of the kids, Iruka, Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto himself.

Of course, Sasuke was only focusing on one person.

Those shining blue eyes, as open as the infinite sky, free and full of promise. A twinge of a fox-like mischief. That messy, sunflower blonde hair.

That grin that put the sun to shame.

That warmth he felt in his chest, reminiscent of the warmth he had felt with his family as a child.

That joy.

His one and only.

Always.

\--

Suigetsu released the signal.

He had gotten the kids out quietly, and wrecked their hydroelectric system as a bonus. They would be confused and at their most vulnerable in the darkness.

The time to act was now.

He activated his Sharingan, eyes glowing red.

And set off.

It had become a habit to think about all that has lead him to this point, especially when he was about to take another major step towards a changed future.

Something that stuck out to him was the surprisingly insightful question of one of the many people he had bested over the years.

_“There was a time when you were ready to destroy this world, Sasuke Uchiha, so what made you save it? What changed your mind?”_

_‘Wouldn’t you like to know’ was the first response that came to mind. But then he thought better of it. He was working on becoming more diplomatic._

_Let them know. Let it be the last thing they hear._

_“Because I realized I had something that made this cursed world worth saving.”_

But Sasuke put those blue eyes, that grin, out of his mind. For the moment.

It was time for ruthlessness.

And so he set fire to the underworld.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are much appreciated :3


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